Too Many Thoughts

It's been about a month since I made a posting, the reason being that I have been busy. My mind has been roaming about, like a moth, fluttering to-and-fro - a destination in mind, but with no path to follow. This is my last week at work, and my last in Florida. This weekend, my wife and I will be packing our now-boxed belongings into a truck, and starting a new life in a new city, in a new state - hopefully in one of mind as well. I feel that work has become only a place now where I sit and wait out the days before I need no longer come. Work becomes harder to do by the day, and yet more important and ever-more due. The hours are flying by as if to mock me, knowing the procrastinator that I am, and though my initiative is high, my morale is low. I have oft struggled with the opposite: high morale and low initiative. I feel sad that my time here has come to an end, and though the past weeks have been filled with excitement and anticipation, my thoughts have been filled anew with anxiety and stress, two feelings with which I rarely struggle. I have no fears, however; I rarely fear change. I look around my office; the white walls have become so familiar to me. I feel though that this environment is no longer a place of comfort to me, for no reason other than it being a temporary place of work. I have discovered it part of my personality that when I no longer see a future at my place of work, I begin counting the days until I will leave - this counting begins to consume me. I feel like I am a hard worker, but why do I find it so hard to work? Perhaps the knowledge that change is scary, perhaps the knowledge that things will not ever be the same. I am a person who nests, who finds a place and sticks. I like to think I am outgoing and adventurous, perhaps I am not ... I do not mean to sound somber, or melancholy, or pessimistic. I have much excitement about our move, and the promise of new work, new friends, and new adventures. I feel that I could have been a better employee, though I do not feel as if I was a bad one. Who will replace me when I am gone? I can only hope someone that has my knowledge, plus more, tagged with a strong work ethic. I think I am ready for the change, though I am never ready until it happens. I am ready to start a new life in a new place. The rest of my life starts today, it's time for me to start taking bigger steps forward - the stairs are certainly becoming larger.